“What do your parents know, about surviving? ” - Lemony Snicket, The End

plinktone:

telapathetic:

watching two really opinionated people have an argument

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when they’re both wrong

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moniker-padacklyte:

jolivet:

simon-the-jewish-vampire:

snarkreactors:

I had my hands full but I needed to turn on my light

so I just used my mouth and flicked the switch up with my tongue

and then I realized

imageq

uh

oh

WHY DOESN’T THIS HAVE MORE NOTES?! THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!

THIS IS THE BEST

the best part is you literally turned him on

Nice things to whisper when hugging someone

yogurtville:

-you smell different when you’re awake
-please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
-soon
-you have lovely skin, I can’t wait to wear it
-your hair tastes like strawberries
-tonight….you.
-he knows, don’t go home.
-I always knew you would die in my arms
-every time I poop I think of you
-no one will ever believe you
-yessssssssssssss
-I killed mufasa
-I bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
-mother told me it would be like this

punacceptable:

u can tell how popular someone is by how many people bless them when they sneeze in class

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